As we saw yesterday Santa Claus has become an industry.
It's not enough to don a red suit, cap and false beard; these days, to be a bona fide Santa, one needs a Santa Diploma.
And you can get one if you attend a Santa School.
Here are some of the 'do' and "don'ts' for Santa.
1) Don't forget the names of the reindeers.
2) Don't over do the "Ho,Ho's" It's three or "Ho, Ho Hello!"
3) Don't make firm promises to the kids. When it doesn't happen they lose their faith in Santa.
4) For really difficult questions: "I'll ask Mrs Claus"
5) I don't go down chimney's anymore. I get my elves to open the doors or windows.
6) "How old are you?" answer "Really, really old. So old I've forgotten."
7) Always use breath mints.
8) No drinking liquor on the job.
9) "Do I know Rudolf?" "Of course, but this year he is in the stable with a bad cold."
10) If you can't grow a real beard use beards made of dyed Yak hair. No cotton wool. The kids know it's fake.
11) Use a good deodorant.
12) No talking about Jesus. We are not in the religion business.
That last rule reflects the absurdity of the theater.
From the first Saint Nicholas, a passionate follower of Christ, we now have his modern counter part, Santa Claus, the patron Saint of Goodies.
Jubilate.
Ian
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